


Summer Wonderland

by soul_writerr



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Beach House, Childhood Friends, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Summer Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-04 11:10:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16345592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr
Summary: Sonny and Rafael spent many summer holidays in Staten Island. They grew up together, but adulthood pulled them apart. When Sonny starts working at Manhattan's SVU, he finds out their ADA has a very familiar name.Childhood friends AU.





	1. Summer Daze

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to get all their summers together in one, so this chapter is probably going to be the longest. In this version, Rafael's father is not an abusive ass and I had to make their age difference much smaller so that it'd make sense. On the first summer, Sonny is 13 and Rafael is 15. 
> 
> Also english is not my first language. Enjoy!

Sonny loved his sisters, he really did. But most days being the only boy really sucked. So it came as no surprise that summer was Sonny’s favorite time of the year. School was out, the sun was bright and warm, and he got to spend his vacation at his grandparents’ beach house. But most importantly, he got to see Rafael, his best friend and summer holiday neighbour.

Rafael was really cool. He was older than Sonny, so he had a cooler bedroom, with a lot of board games and books. He had glow in the dark posters of the best movies and real collectible action figures - that Sonny was only allowed to touch once.

So every year, he waited for Rafael. His family always came on the first day of July, while Sonny’s made their way into the deep south of Staten Island mid-June, as soon as everybody was free from school.

Sonny took the first couple weeks to spend time with his grandparents and he also fought with his sisters a lot, but the whole time he’d count down the days for Rafael to arrive so his summer could _really_ take off.

This year, Rafael had brought a bunch of new posters to hang up in his room, but they had to take down the old ones without ruining the wall paint, so Sonny was there with a plastic spoon in hand as he tried to remove the leftover tape from the walls. The spoon was Rafael’s idea, but Sonny felt like it didn’t quite get the job done.

“This is a terrible idea, Raf,” Sonny sighed as the tape refused to budge and the spoon threatened to snap in half at any minute.

“Well, you can try to pick it out with your nails, but if any of the paint comes off, you better be ready to hear some spanish yelling,” Rafael grimaced.

“Okay, but then after all this you’re still gonna put more posters up?,” he raised an eyebrow as he look at the five rolls of paper on the floor.

“If I don’t, what even is the point of all this?,” Rafael asked with a dramatic wave of his hands.

“You’re crazy,” Sonny snorted.

“And you offered to help, so what does that make you?”

Sonny rolled his eyes and went back to work. About twenty minutes later, Rafael’s dad poked his head through the door crack to check on their progress. Sonny didn’t really interact with him much, but Rafael seemed to respect him a lot.

“You should try wetting the tape then blow drying it, it’ll come out faster,” Mr. Barba suggested.

“Thanks, dad,” Rafael chuckled as Sonny dropped his arms with a huff.  

After following Mr. Barba’s instructions, their work was done much quicker and they put up the new posters in no time. Rafael beamed as they took a step back to check their finished product. All the posters were from recent films, and Sonny noticed all of them had a running theme: they were all cop action movies.

Smiling, Sonny asked “Raf, do you know what you want to be when you grow up?”

“Yeah, I’m going to be a lawyer!,” he said with no hesitation. Sonny frowned.

“A lawyer? I could swear you were thinking of becoming a cop,” he said pointing at the posters.

“Me? A cop?,” Rafael laughed. “I can’t even imagine that.”

“But you want to be a lawyer?”

“Yeah. I’m gonna be a District Attorney, wear those nice suits, have my own office, be on television,” he said excitedly. “What about you?”

“I think I’m going to be a priest,” Sonny whispered, looking back at the posters of men with shiny badges pointing guns in all directions.

“A priest?!,” Rafael jumped up. “Sonny, did you know priests can’t get married?”

“So?!,” he blushed. “I want to help people and Father Peter told me he could give me some tips.”

“But what if you fall in love?,” Rafael frowned. “I thought you’d want to marry a pretty girl and have a house full of children. And dogs."

“I’m not gonna fall in love, that’s gross,” he pulled a face. “But I’d love a dog.”

Rafael chuckled. “I think you’re too young to understand, Sonny.”

“Shut up, Rafael,” Sonny rolled his eyes and gave the other boy a weak push. “I’m only 2 years younger than you.”

“Two years and four months, but okay,” he shrugged. “I just know that whatever you choose, you’re going to be good at it. And helping people seems very fitting for you.”

“You’re going to help people too, right? Put the bad guys away.”

“Yeah,” he smiled. “And you can pray for me. So none of them come after me.”

“I will!,” Sonny nodded enthusiastically. “Promise.”

The thing about spending so much time with Rafael was that his sisters got jealous. Teresa didn’t like that Sonny didn’t spend time with her, Gina was jealous that Rafael didn’t give _her_ any attention, and Bella whined about wanting to play board games with both of them. So every evening when he got home for dinner, they were waiting in the porch to bombard him with questions and tease him to death.

“Were you with your boyfriend?,” Gina joked as soon as he showed up on their front steps. “Has he proposed yet?”

“Shut up, I’m not getting married, ever! I’m going to be a priest,” he said, holding his chin up in pride.

“Priests can get married, you dumbass,” Teresa snorted. “They just can’t have-,” she hesitated, looking between her youngest siblings. “Children.”

“Teresa said a bad word!,” Bella pointed out.

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes. “You can marry Rafael if you want, Sonny.”

“What?!,” his eyes widened and he shook his head. “I don’t want to!”

“But you _can_ ,” she gave him a long look. “Do you understand that?”

“Jesus, Teresa, you’re so weird,” Sonny rolled his eyes and pushed past them to walk into the house.

Rafael was _his_ best friends and they only got to see each other two months out of every year, so he wasn’t going to cave into his sisters’ teasing. When they went back home, Sonny couldn’t help but doing whatever his sisters wanted to do while hoping for the good old summer days to come around.

* * *

When Rafael arrived in Staten Island with Alex Muñoz the next year, Sonny was excited. Firstly because they finally wouldn’t be outnumbered by his sister, secondly because Alex seemed really cool. But much to Sonny’s dismay, Alex didn’t like him very much.

Alex didn’t look happy when Rafael called him over to his house, or when they met down the beach. He didn’t like Sonny’s suggestions for games they could play, he didn’t interact with him if not through Rafael. When Alex thought he couldn’t hear him, he asked Rafael if they could ditch Sonny. It hurt, but he shrugged it off when Rafael told Alex to stop being an ass because Sonny was coming with them no matter what.

One evening, the three of them were supposed to meet down the street so they could go get ice cream, but Rafael showed up alone.

“Alex didn’t want to come?,” Sonny asked, half aware of the answer.

“No,” Rafael shook his head. “I’m sorry about him. I didn’t invite him, you know. My mom insisted because she’s close to his mom and his parents are going through a divorce. She said he could use the distraction.”

“Oh,” Sonny said. “Well, that explains why he’s so angry all the time.”

“He’s actually always been like that,” Rafael snorted.

“So he just really doesn’t like me,” Sonny muttered.

“Don’t mind him, Sonny,” he said, squeezing his shoulder to comfort him. “Alex is a snob. Let’s go, I want chocolate ice cream.”

Sonny followed him happily into their favorite ice cream place on the boardwalk. They both ordered big bowls of chocolate ice cream with sprinkles and lots of caramel syrup on top. With big smiles, they sat on a table in the back and all but drowned themselves in the quickly melting ice cream.

“Sonny,” Rafael said once he was done, trying to clean the stickiness out of his hands with napkins. “I have something to tell you.”

“Okay,” Sonny perched up. “Is it a secret?”

“Kinda, yeah,” Rafael leaned closer to him. “I think I like boys.”

Sonny blinked. “What do you mean?”

“You know,” he shrugged. “I realized I don’t ever want to have a girlfriend. I want a boyfriend. I have _feelings_ for boys, not girls.”

Sonny was shocked into silence. He had heard about boys who liked other boys, but it seemed like such a distant reality from his small neighbourhood in Staten Island. Granted, Rafael wasn’t from Staten Island, but the odds seemed so little. He cleared his throat and nodded his head slowly.

“Do you-,” he shifted uncomfortably. “Is Alex your boyfriend?”

“What?,” he laughed. “God, no! No way! Alex likes girls. And he doesn’t know,” Rafael lowered his voice. “You’re the first person I told.”

“Well,” Sonny smiled. “I’m happy you did.”

It was silent for a moment. Sonny finished his ice cream without looking at Rafael, unsure of what to say next. He knew some people didn’t like gays; he heard Teresa talking about it once. One of her classmates from college was bullied because he had a boyfriend. But his mom said ignorant people hated what they didn’t understand, and that no one should ever be mistreated for loving someone else.

“God makes no mistakes,” his mother told him. “He gave us free will and we get to choose between right and wrong. Choosing to love, despite what anyone else may say, is always a good thing.”

And Sonny knew she was right, especially now that he knew about Rafael. He was his best friend, one of the most incredible people Sonny had ever met. Rafael was smart, passionate, driven, kind, and cool. He liked Rafael’s company and it didn’t matter that he liked boys. He was still Sonny’s friend the same way.

“Do you have a boyfriend back home?,” Sonny asked, glancing at him. Rafael seemed shy suddenly.

“No,” he shook his head.

“Do you-,” he whispered. “ _Like_ anyone?”

Rafael looked at him then, his eyes sad. He sighed deeply, his shoulders sagging.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “But it doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does!,” Sonny smiled, inching closer. “Does he know?”

“He’s pretty clueless,” Rafael snorted.

“Maybe you should tell him,” he suggested innocently. “You never know, he might like you back and then you could be together.”

“Wouldn’t that be a dream,” he said wistifully.

“Come on, Raf,” Sonny patted him on the arm. “If you like him I’m sure he is a great guy.”

“He is.”

“So?,” he insisted. “Tell him! If it goes wrong, I’ll let you cry on my shoulder next summer.”

“Isn’t that comforting,” Rafael rolled his eyes. “He’s not into me, Sonny. I’m not going to push it. I like him, I don’t want us to fall out or anything.”

“I get that,” he nodded. “But I’m sure you’ll charm him in no time.”

“I hope,” he shrugged. “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.”

Sonny was taken aback for a second, but shook it off quickly. “Okay. Race you to the pier?”

“You’re on,” Rafael gave him a wicked smile and bolted out of the ice cream parlour.

Sonny laughed and followed him.

* * *

Sonny sat on the porch and watched as Mr. and Mrs. Barba unloaded their car and disappeared into the house, no sign of Rafael. He was trying to gather some courage to knock on their door and ask about him. Sonny wasn’t sure how to deal with Mr. Barba, but he found Mrs. Barba too scary for comfort. She would probably think he was too nosy, coming around to wonder about her son.

He sighed. Maybe he could ask his mother to bake something so Sonny could have a good excuse to visit their neighbours. Sonny kicked himself; he should have offered to help them carry their bags into the house.

Before he could go further down the pity party, he heard an engine groaning loudly in the distance. He looked up in time to see a motorcycle running fast down the street and back up, coming to a halt right in front of Rafael’s house with screeching tires.

And there he was. Rafael Barba arrived riding a motorcycle in dark skinny jeans, a black t-shirt and a black leather jacket. Sonny thought he had never seen anything better. He ran down the few porch steps towards him just as the other boy was taking off his helmet.

“What the hell?,” he said and laughed. “Rafael, that is so cool!”

Rafael gave him a blinding smile. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Where did you get it?,” Sonny asked, eyes wide in amazement.

“Well, it wasn’t in the most pristine conditions, so this guy from Queens was selling it really cheap,” he adjusted the mirror to fix his hair. “So I bought it off him and worked on it for a while.”

“What? You’re a mechanic now?,” he took a step back to look at the bike.

“You know I can do whatever I put my mind to,” he winked. “Do you wanna ride with me later?”

“Really?,” Sonny smiled and nodded enthusiastically. “But my ma can’t know.”

“I’ll meet you down in the pier in two hours, okay?”

Rafael waved at him as he walked into his house and Sonny couldn’t help the heart flutter he felt. Rafael was so cool, so smart, so determined. He made Sonny forget about his fear and insecurities. With Rafael, Sonny felt truly invincible.

“Rafael got a motorcycle?,” Sonny heard Gina squeal. “Oh my god, that’s so hot.”

“Gina!,” Teresa reprimanded. “He’s 17! You’re gross.”

“So?! I’m 20, it’s not that big of a difference,” she rolled her eyes. “Besides, he finished high school, so he’s pratically a college guy anyway.”

“Gina, do you ever shut up?,” Sonny said through gritted teeth.

“I don’t know why you all get so pressed over that boy,” Gina scoffed.

“Yeah, there are a lot of things you don’t know,” Teresa bit back. “So shut up.”

“Motorcycles are not that cool anyway,” Bella said in a bratty tone. “And they’re super dangerous. You better not go on that thing, Sonny. Ma would kill you.”

Well, then Sonny was dead. A couple hours later, he got to the pier to see Rafael already waiting for him, casually leaning on his bike. As Sonny approached, he handed him a navy helmet.

“I’m not going to be responsible for your death, your mother would have my soul,” Rafael smiled as he jumped on the motorcycle.

“Where are we going?”, he asked excitedly.

“It’s a secret,” he shrugged. “Hop on.”

Sonny tried to look as confident as Rafael had, but the thing felt incredibly unstable beneath him. With Sonny’s luck, he’d fall flat on his back soon.

“You gotta hold on,” Rafael warned him. “Put your arms around me.”

Sonny gulped as he did what he was told while still trying to keep some distance from the other boy.

“Tighter, Sonny,” Rafael chuckled. “Or you’re going to fly off this bike.”

With shaky hands, Sonny leaned his front against Rafael’s back completely and held on around his waist tighter. He could smell Rafael’s cologne, he could feel the heat coming through the leather jacket, and he felt inebriated.

“Okay, here we go,” he said and gave a tentative start. The bike jumped forward and Sonny instinctively held on even tighter to Rafael, letting out a surprised gasp when the motorcycle roared. “Hold on, Sonny!”

He was about to tell Rafael to just go already when he did, speeding through the pier and onto the streets with practiced ease. Before he knew it, Sonny was laughing. It felt amazing. The wind felt fresh against his skin and he almost wished he didn’t have a helmet on so he could feel it on his face, blowing through his hair. He felt more than heard Rafael laughing as well, his stomach vibrating under the pressure of Sonny’s arms around him.

They went deeper and deeper into the south, Rafael cutting corners beautifully. Sonny loved the feel of the motorcycle moving languidly under him at Rafael’s will. It almost felt like a dance, so he let himself rest his chin on Rafael’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He felt the other boy’s breath hitch, the air stuck right under Sonny’s hand before he let it out deeply.

Sooner than Sonny hoped for, it was over. Rafael parked somewhere Sonny didn’t know and waited for him to get off the bike before him. Sonny cursed at how cold he felt when he let go of Rafael’s warmth. “Where are we?,” he looked around.

“Well, we’re not _there_ yet,” Rafael gave him a side smirk. “Follow me.”

Rafael lead him to an old building on the other side of the street. They circled around it to find a worse for wear fire escape and Rafael reached for it

“What are you doing?,” Sonny whispered.

“We’re going up,” he said as if it was obvious.

“I don’t think that’s legal,” he looked around, worried. Rafael laughed and started going up the steps.

“Have you considered being a cop, Sonny?,” he teased. “You’d be great at it. You’re great at following rules.”

“Yeah, I thought lawyers were supposed to follow the rules as well,” Sonny sighed and looked around one more time before following Rafael up the stairs.

“I believe lawyers mostly look for loopholes and precedents to bend the law in their favor,” he grinned. “But I guess I’ll know better soon.”

When they reached the top of the stairs, Sonny was thankful to find the rooftop empty and, surprisingly, clean. From there, he could see some of the buildings that made Staten Island, but to his left he could still see the shore. And it was beautiful. It sparkled as it moved under the setting sun, waves crashing over and over again.

Rafael sat down closer to the edge than Sonny expected, but he followed him anyway. They watched the sky changing colors quietly until Rafael spoke up.

“I thought about building up suspense, but I can’t keep it in anymore. I’m going to Harvard, Sonny,” he said proudly.

“Raf!,” he gasped and jumped to his feet, a big smile spreading on his face. “You’re going to Harvard?! What?!”

“Yes!,” Rafael laughed when Sonny started going around in circles with his hands on his head. “You’re looking at a future Harvard Law graduate.”

“That is amazing!,” Sonny stopped to look at him with tears in his eyes. “Raf,” he said in a whisper.

Rafael stood up then. “Are you crying?”

“I’m just-,” he waved his hands around, mouth gaping. “Getting into Harvard was your dream, Raf. And you did it!”

“Well, didn’t I tell you I can do whatever I put my mind to?,” he said with a cocky grin.

“Don’t be a snob,” he punched him lightly on the shoulder. “I’m so proud of you! Can’t wait for you to turn the justice system upside down.”

Rafael laughed. “Thanks, Sonny.”

“Wow,” he breathed. “I can see the headlines already: District Attorney Rafael Barba puts another monster behind bars,” Sonny said with a dramatic tone. “DA Barba gets justice for the people of New York!”

“Are you making fun of me?,” he raised an eyebrow.

“No!,” Sonny shook his head with a smile. “I’m predicting the future.”

“Okay, mister prophet,” Rafael snorted. “And what do you see about _your_ future? Still planning on becoming a priest?”

“I-,” he started, but sighed. Sonny sat back down on their previous spot and waited for Rafael to do the same. “I’ve been talking to Father Peter, but he doesn’t think I should do it."

“What?,” Rafael asked, surprised.

“He says he doesn’t think it’s my calling, whatever that means,” Sonny shrugged, looking down at his hand.

“That’s bullshit,” Rafael spat. “Sonny, you can be whatever you want to be.”

“But I don’t know what I want to be, Rafael,” he said, hating how his voice broke at the end. “Maybe he’s right. I mean, he knows better, right?!”

“Sonny,” Rafael said with a heavy sigh and moved closer to him. “Listen, I know it’s confusing and frustrating. But you don’t have to have it all figured out right now.”

“You do,” he muttered.

“I’m older than you, as much as you hate to acknowledge that,” Rafael bumped their shoulders together teasingly. “I have to have my shit together at this point, I graduated high school after all.”

“But you always knew, Raf,” Sonny pointed out.

“I could be wrong, though. And that scares the shit out of me,” he confessed. “I could go into Harvard and fuck everything up. You never know.”

“First of all, how has your mother not beaten your ass with all this cursing you’re doing?!,” Sonny looked at him accusingly.

Rafael threw his head back laughing. “Well, I’m not stupid, I don’t curse in front of her.”

“Right,” he shook his head with a smile. “Second of all, you’re not going to-.”

“Fuck everything up?,” Rafael offered with a smug look.

“Yeah, that,” Sonny looked away shyly. “There’s no way you’re not gonna sweep the floor with defense attorneys.”

“Oh Sonny, you sure know what to say,” he joked. “But I’m serious, you have time. Don’t worry about it just yet.”

Sonny nodded and looked up at the sky again. It was clear of clouds, turning a soft shade of blue as the sun continued on its way down. The wind picked up, brushing through his hair, caressing his face. He closed his eyes for a moment, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. God, he loved summer.

“Sonny,” Rafael called softly.

“Hm?,” he breathed in the summer air.

“Harvard in is Massachusetts,” he whispered. Sonny felt something inside him drop to his feet.

“But you’re still coming here in the summer, right?,” Sonny asked, suddenly sounding desperate.

“I-,” Rafael ran his hand through his hair. “I’m not sure."

“Rafael, this can’t be our last summer,” he pleaded.

“I’m not saying it is,” Rafael looked at him with sad eyes. “But I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I can’t make any promises.

Sonny looked at the other boy. His heart was beating so fast he thought it would crack one of his ribs. This couldn’t be it, could it? He couldn’t bare the thought of not seeing Rafael again. They were best friends, seeing him was the best part of his year, he looked forward to it every time.

“I can try, though,” Rafael said.

“Yeah,” Sonny sighed, holding back tears. “I’m really happy for you, Rafael. But if this is our last summer, we have to make sure it’s a fucking great one.”

“Sonny!,” he faked a shocked gasp. “You pray to God with that mouth?

“Shut up,” he rolled his eyes.

“Summer with you is always great, Sonny,” Rafael said with an adoring tone. “But we’ll make sure this one is unforgettable. Deal?,” he stretched his hand out for Sonny.

“Deal,” Sonny smiled as they shook on it.

And they did. Every day, they met at the pier; sometimes Rafael had his motorcycle with him, sometimes he didn’t. They swam, they built sandcastles, they made bets. Rafael tried teaching Sonny Spanish, Sonny tried teaching Rafael some Italian. They laughed, played pranks on each other, and when July came to an end, they both had tans, Sonny’s hair looked lighter and Rafael’s eyes sparkled brighter.

Every other day, they’d come back to that old building, go up the stairs and watch the sunset. Sonny brought the snacks, Rafael brought the drinks. Those were Sonny’s favorite moments. They talked about everything and nothing, they shared plans for the future and regrets of yesterday. Through and through, they supported each other.

“So,” Sonny started, randomly picking up pebbles around himself and putting them in a pile by his foot. An easy distraction. “Do you still-,” he looked at Rafael. “Do you still like boys?"

Rafael laughed. “It’s not something that comes and goes, Sonny.”

“I know,” he nodded and looked back down at his little pile. “It’s just that you didn’t seem 100% sure last time we talked about it.”

“Yeah, it was hard to come to terms with it,” Rafael sighed. “I knew my dad wouldn’t be happy about it. And there’s the whole ‘you’re going to hell’ thing. But I do still like boys,” he smiled. “I’m sure.”

“Alright,” Sonny shrugged. “You’re not going to hell, though.”

“You think?”

“No, I’m sure,” he looked at Rafael again, the boy had a curious look on his face. “I talked to Father Peter about it. He said that no form of love could ever be frowned upon.”

“Then why do most Catholics use God’s name to justify their homophobia?,” he rolled his eyes.

“Because they’re hypocrites,” Sonny spat. “They don’t know a thing about God. You’re not going to hell just because a nasty old lady said so, Raf.”

“I’m not too worried,” he shook his head. “I’m not hurting anyone by loving another boy. And that’s all that matters, right?”

“Right,” Sonny muttered. “Well, last summer you told me you were into someone. Have you told him?”

Rafael blinked. “No.”

“You telling me you didn’t win him over yet?,” he forced a smile. Sonny felt a weird burning in the pit of his stomach.

“We don’t see each other a lot,” Rafael shrugged and looked away.

Sonny nodded and looked up. The sky was morphing into different shades of orange and red, the sun disappearing down the skyline.

“Have you ever kissed a boy?,” he asked in a whisper.

“Yes,” Rafael replied.

“What is it like?,” he gulped.

Rafael was silent for a while, and Sonny thought he wasn’t going to answer, so he went back to picking up pebbles. Slowly, Rafael’s hand grabbed his, stopping his movements. He looked up, surprised to find the other boy leaning so close to him. His eyes looked golden and there was a fiery determination in them. Sonny sucked in a long breath, and he could smell Rafael clearly. He smelled as if the ocean had clinged onto his skin, warm and salty.

“Can I show you?,” he whispered, looking at Sonny’s lips.

He could feel his heart about to beat out of his chest and his hands started sweating. Blinking fast, he nodded jerkely.

Rafael smiled softly and closed the distance between them slowly. So, so slowly, that when Sonny closed his eyes in anticipation, he almost opened them again, thinking Rafael had given up. Then, he felt the other boy’s lips on his, tentative, soft, sweet. He wasn’t sure how to act, but he instinctively pressed his lips back into Rafael’s.

Rafael tilted his head slightly, and suddenly their lips fit together better. It felt incredibly right. He moved back an inch to then capture Rafael’s mouth again, a bit more confident. He almost jumped back when he felt Rafael’s tongue touch his bottom lip, but he relaxed into it and opened his mouth the same way Rafael did.

It was exhilarating.

He was making out with his best friend, and it felt _great._ His heart still felt like it was about to flutter away, but when he felt Rafael’s tongue touch his, it was heaven. Unconsciously, one of his hands came up to hold onto Rafael’s biceps, to keep him in place, to make sure he wasn’t going to disappear.

Sonny felt Rafael’s hand on his jaw, gentle. He sighed into the contact, tracing the other’s boy bottom lip shyly until Rafael’s tongue met his again.

Sonny wasn’t sure how long they had been kissing for, but he felt like he was about to melt into the ground when Rafael pulled away from him. Without noticing, his lips followed the other boy’s as he put some distance between them. Rafael chuckled.

“Does that answer your question?,” he asked slyly, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his suddenly puffy lips.

“Wow,” Sonny replied and Rafael laughed. “Not that I have anyone else to compare it to, but you’re a very good kisser,” he said shyly.

“Thanks,” Rafael smirked proudly. “So are you.”

“Can we-,” he cleared his throat. “Can we do that again?”

Rafael gave him a big, bright smile and nodded. And for what felt like hours, but also no time at all, they made out as the sun set and the moon showered them in silver light.

That year, saying goodbye to Rafael was more difficult than it had ever been. Sonny felt like his heart was about to crack in half, tears threatening to fall at any point as his best friend hugged him.

“I’ll miss you,” Rafael whispered with a pained expression. “I really, really will.”

“I’ll miss you, too,” he sniffed. “I hope you don’t forget me when you start making a bunch of new friends at Harvard.”

“Sonny,” he called, a serious tone to his voice. “Look at me.”

Sonny did and he almost stopped breathing at how beautiful Rafael looked. They were at the pier again, Rafael leaning against his bike, looking cooler than ever.

“I will _never_ forget you, do you understand me?,” Rafael said, grabbing his hand and pulling him closer. “It doesn’t matter how many people I meet, how many books I read, how many classes I have to attend. There is no way I will ever forget you.”

“Okay, good,” he chuckled wetly. “Good luck, Raf. I know you’re going to kill it over there.”

“Thank you,” Rafael smiled, and looked around before stepping closer to Sonny. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, please,” Sonny replied without hesitation.

Rafael raised one hand to the back of Sonny’s neck and pulled him in, the kiss almost desperate from the get go. Sonny poured himself into it while also taking what he could, hoping he’d still be able to feel Rafael once he left.

Still, when they parted, the air felt too cold.

“I have to go,” Rafael said breathlessly.

“Okay,” Sonny swallowed hard and took a step back. “Bye, Raf.”

“Bye, Sonny,” he smiled sadly before putting on his helmet and speeding away, his silhouette becoming smaller and smaller as Sonny’s heart broke.

* * *

Much like the summer before, Sonny sat on the porch at the time the Barba family would normally arrive in Staten Island. Sonny grew restless as time passed, but thankfully he didn’t have to wait long until the familiar car appeared down the street. Sonny smiled despite himself, wondering if Rafael would come with his parents or on his motorcycle again.

He waited as patiently as he could as Mr. and Mrs. Barba got out of the car and went into the house, with no sign of Rafael. He looked down the street again, expecting to hear the roar of the motorcycle. But forty minutes passed and no one else came.

Sonny could feel his stomach turning and his hands sweating. He couldn’t wait anymore. He ran inside, grabbed five croissants his grandmother had baked earlier that day, arranged them in a basket and ran over to Rafael’s door, his heart in his throat. He tried not to look scared when Mrs. Barba opened the door.

“Hi, Mrs. Barba,” he forced a smile. “I brought this for you.”

“Sonny! Aren’t you charming?,” she giggled. “You’re so tall! If you’re not careful you’ll be taller than Rafi in no time.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled shyly. “I actually came around to ask when he’s arriving.”

“Oh, honey,” Mrs. Barba gave him a remorseful look and he knew what it meant instantly. “Rafael has been very busy at Harvard. His classes are tough and he’s trying to get an internship. You know how it is, he has to keep his grades high because of his scholarship.”

“I understand,” he said through a lump in his throat. “He’s not coming.”

“Not this year, no. I’m sorry, Sonny.”

“It’s okay. He’s dedicated to becoming a lawyer, that’s a good thing,” Sonny nodded, looking down at his feet. “I’m sorry for bothering you, Mrs. Barba.”

“It’s no problem,” she smiled. “But it’s not because Rafi is not here that you can’t come around. I could cook your favorite Cuban dish.”

“That’s fine,” Sonny shook his head. “Thank you. Have a good day.”

The further he got from Rafael’s house, the harder it became to hold back his tears. By the time he reached his bedroom, his face was wet and his whole body was shaking from trying to fight broken sobs.

Rafael didn’t make any promises to come back, but he said he’d try. Had he tried? Or had he prioritized something else over Sonny?

He shook his head. No, Rafael was in Harvard pursuing his dream. Sonny was happy for him, he was just sad that he didn’t get to be a part of it. So for the rest of the summer, Sonny spent it inside. He learned all his grandmother’s recipes and she taught him how to bake Rafael’s favorite cake.

Mid-July, he asked his father to go back into the city so he could go to a bookshop.  He bought books about law for beginners so he could talk about it with Rafael next year. He read it cover to cover two times, making notes, writing reminders of things he needed to look up.

Sonny turned on the news every day, hoping to catch glimpses of any ongoing trial. He didn’t understand most of the words they used, but it was fascinating to watch lawyers pull out evidence after evidence, rubbing it in the suspect’s face.

One night, Sonny begged his father to take him to watch an open trial. He refused, but three days later, he brought home a friend of his from the Staten Island Police Department and Sonny gathered all his notes and books in front of him to make the most of it. Thankfully, the guy was patient.

By the end of summer, it had become a full obsession. His father’s cop friend took him to his station for a day and he fell in love with the whole concept of bringing justice to their community. They helped people, much like Sonny wanted to. Suddenly, he understood why Rafael didn’t come back to Staten Island; there were bigger and better things for him at Harvard.

But hopefully, next year, he could tell his best friend everything he had learned and he could tell Sonny about Harvard.

Except Rafael never came back.


	2. Summer Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Sonny finds out Rafael is Manhattan's SVU go-to ADA, he freaks out. In comes Teresa's wise words and a trip down memory lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally in fanfiction Sonny is the closest to Bella, but I thought that Teresa, being older, would have a more solid perspective of his relationship with Rafael. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The next three years, he went to the beach house and waited for Rafael. But after the first year, not even his parents showed up. The house was left empty, dark, forgotten. So Sonny stopped going as well. Staten Island was a reminder of the good summer times; playing, laughing, swimming, riding motorcycles, kissing. He had to leave it all behind and fall head-first into his studies, much like Rafael had.

So he did.

Sonny kept in touch with his father’s policeman friend, and through long conversations, he decided to join the academy as soon as he turned 21. Father Peter had been happy to hear that Sonny was no longer looking to be a priest. “A police officer?!,” Father Peter clapped his back contently. “Good for you, Sonny.”

He moved to New York to start his training during the day, but kept his law studies going during his free time, acquiring more and more books. For a while, he thought about dropping law altogether for it had become a painful reminder of why Rafael had left, but Sonny had grown too enamored of it. And wouldn’t it be great for a police officer to have a deeper understanding of the law?

Sonny dated a little. With the help of Father Peter, he came to terms with his bisexuality when he was 19. He met a guy named Liam on his first week in New York and he did his best to sweep Sonny off his feet. For eight months, it was great. He felt like Liam got to be his support system through all the quick changes in his life and he helped him learn how to navigate through New York, but in the end, they weren’t it for each other. With a long hug and promises to keep in touch, Sonny and Liam broke up.

Right after he was done with his program at the New York Police Academy, Sonny met Claire. She was an incredible rookie cop that started along with him in Brooklyn. He fell for her fast, but she didn’t. She wanted to keep things casual because she was focused on making her career take off quickly.

After she called the whole thing off, Sonny realized why he liked her so much. Claire was determined, driven, smart, sharp-tongued, and so much cooler than Sonny knew he could ever be. She had tan skin, dark green eyes and black hair. And he knew he was projecting Rafael onto her.

So Sonny partied, law books forgotten under his bed. He drank. He danced. He met as many people as he could. He took them to bed. He kept relationships on the casual side, not so focused on finding _the one_. The other officers at his station called him “the life of the party” because he was never in a bad mood and he was always in for a long night.

But the older he got, the more he realized he needed to move on with his career. So he started applying himself a little more, trying to stand out amongst dozens of other cops. He dusted off his law books, ignoring the heavy weight on his chest, and applied to Fordham Law. He focused on the work, and, soon enough, he was promoted to detective. The youngest one on his squad.

Sonny found it hard to fit in at first. He felt slightly hopeless working with homicide victims, after all, how was he helping any of them?

“Well, you’re not helping the victim, you’re helping _potential_ victims,” his captain told him. “But if you really want to make a different, Carisi, I hear there’s an opening at Brooklyn’s Special Victims Unit.”

He jumped on the opportunity faster than he should have, Sonny thought in hindsight. Turns out working with special victims takes a _special_ learning curve and no one was patient enough to give Sonny the time of day, so from Brooklyn he quickly transferred to Queens, and even quicker from there to Manhattan.

Sonny felt defeated and a little lost, the only constant in his life being his night classes at Fordham.

“Carisi, that might work in Brooklyn, but that’s not how we do things here,” Olivia told him on his first day. He sighed, Olivia’s joke about transferring him to the Bronx suddenly sounding like a reality.

The first week had been rough. None of the other detectives seemed too pleased about the new guy, but his sergeant seemed to possess all the patience his previous bosses didn’t. She took their time together to teach him the ropes and he watched her every move like a hawk when they were out. Olivia had a way of dealing with victims and Sonny could only aspire to reach that someday.

Then, one lovely wednesday afternoon, Sonny’s world came crashing down on him.

“Rollins,” Olivia called out when she walked into the precinct after her lunch break. “Call Barba, we gotta brief him.”

Barba?

Sonny’s head snapped up from the report he was filling. No, it couldn’t be.

“Who’s Barba?,” Sonny asked Amanda as she reached for the phone on her desk.

“Our ADA,” she replied and dialed the number quickly.

“Uh,” Sonny blinked, feeling slightly dizzy. “Would that be _Rafael_ Barba?”

“Yes, Carisi,” Amanda rolled her eyes. “Why?”

Sonny didn’t reply. He bolted from the bullpen into the locker room, sitting down at one of the benches with his head in his hands. He felt like he couldn't breathe, like the world was shifting underneath him. It couldn’t be that after so many years of purposefully avoiding every memory of him, he was here.

After 12 years without a word from him, Rafael was here.

He was back. But he also wasn’t. He was Rafael Barba, the Assistant District Attorney. Like he dreamed of being.

But Sonny couldn’t bare to see him yet. Not so suddenly, not when he didn’t know what to say to him. Not when he wasn’t ready for Rafael to not remember him. Not when he would have to reintroduce himself and pretend like their summers never happened. No, it was too much. He needed to leave before Rafael arrived.

Sonny jumped up from his seat, smoothed his tie and went back into the bullpen, keeping his head low. “I’m going out to lunch,” he told Nick as he grabbed his jacket.

“What?,” Amaro asked, frowning. “But Barba’s coming. We’re supposed to brief him.”

“What, you telling me you can’t do it without me?,” Sonny asked curtly. “If the sergeant asks, tell her I had an emergency. Or don’t. Whatever.”

He left without waiting for Nick’s reply. He just couldn’t face Rafael, and if that cost him his job, so be it. The Bronx didn’t sound so bad after all.

* * *

He spent the last two days avoiding Rafael. Every time he heard he was coming, he’d hide in the bathroom, in the locker room or just make an excuse to leave the squadroom altogether. He knew he couldn’t keep that up for long, he noticed the way Rollins narrowed her eyes every time he came back into the room after he disappeared.

But he wasn’t ready to face the music just yet, so when the weekend rolled around he was thankful.

Sonny spent his saturday morning cleaning his apartment from top to bottom. The good, or bad, thing about it being so small was that he managed to finish by noon. After a quick shower, he ran down the market on the corner of his street to grab a few ingredient so he could cook his favorite pasta dish.

Deep down, he knew he was looking for ways to distract himself from the inevitable. Sonny and Rafael were coworkers now. Their history would have to be secondary to that, because they had an important job to do. But his mind kept taking him back to that last summer they shared.

He remembered how excited they were about Rafael going to Harvard. He remembered Rafael’s comment about how he should become a cop. He could never forget their kisses; how right they felt, even if Sonny wasn’t sure _why_ it was so good to finally kiss him. Even if Sonny didn’t know he was in love with Rafael then.

But just as important as that, Sonny remembered the little things. The looks they shared when Sonny’s sisters crossed a line, the small smiles they’d wear as they built sandcastles, always a race against the changing tides, the hand on the shoulder for comfort, the small nod for approval. He missed how they used to communicate so effortlessly, how they moved so in synch, how they fit like puzzle pieces.

Sonny could read Rafael like a book. He knew that Rafael’s silence spoke louder than his words, he knew when Rafael was lying because the corner of his mouth twitched up, he could tell when he was upset because his brow furrowed for the quickest second, he knew Rafael was mad when his eyes turned darker, when Rafael was sad, he’d press his lips into a thin line and hold his chin up, and Sonny knew Rafael wanted to kiss him when he tilted his head slightly and his pupils dilated as he glanced at Sonny's lips.

It was so easy. They bounced off each other so naturally. And it hurt that he lost that.

As Sonny sat alone in his apartment, having navigated through his kitchen absentmindedly while he cooked, he felt like his heart was breaking in anticipation. Would Rafael remember him? Would he recognize him?

And if he did, would he pretend like they didn’t know each other? Would he prefer to ignore their past? Was their relationship supposed to be purely professional? Sonny let out a long sigh as he felt anxiety consuming him. He couldn’t help but think that this man, this ADA, probably wasn’t the Rafael he knew. It had been 12 years; people change.

Sonny just wasn’t sure if he had what it took to act as if he wouldn’t do _anything_ for Rafael. He didn’t know if he could keep his heart in check as he went about day to day just as another detective Rafael worked with.

On sunday, Sonny overslept. He had tossed and turned all night, dreading what monday would bring. He woke up with a banging headache, a sore throat and a stiff neck. He turned his coffee machine on and went straight into the shower, standing under the hot water until his skin turned pink, hoping it would alleviate the tension on his neck.

It didn’t, so he downed an aspirin with his first big gulp of coffee and sat on the couch as he waited for the pill to kick in. The whole time, he just kept thinking about how he would have to face Rafael the next day. Before he could talk himself out of it, he grabbed his phone and called Teresa.

“Good afternoon, little brother,” she teased. “Don’t tell me you’re just waking up.”

Sonny groaned in response. Teresa laughed. “Wild night?”

“I wish,” he sighed. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“What happened?,” Sonny couldn’t help but smile at how Teresa’s voice suddenly shifted into her mother-hen tone. “Is it work?”

“Kinda,” he watched the inside of his almost empty coffee cup for a second, trying to figure out what to say next. “Do you remember Rafael?”

He heard Teresa inhale sharply. “Rafael?,” she repeated. “I haven’t heard that name in a while. Yeah, I remember him. Why?”

“Remember how he wanted to be a lawyer?,” Sonny asked and Teresa made a tentative noise as a reply. “Well, turns out he’s the Assistant District Attorney at Manhattan’s SVU.”

Teresa was silent. She knew about his transfer, of course. She knew that he started about two weeks ago. She even knew about Rollins and Amaro, and she didn’t like them one bit.

“Damn,” she whispered after a long pause.

“Yeah,” Sonny sniffed.

“Have you talked to him?”

“No, I’ve been avoiding him. But I can’t keep doing that, people have started to notice,” he sighed.

“Sonny,” she started, and he could hear the pity in her voice. He hated that.

“It’s been 12 years, Teresa,” Sonny didn’t even try to hide his frustration. “I can’t just walk into the squadroom when he’s there and pretend like we don’t know each other.”

“Is that what you want to do?,” Teresa asked slowly. “You want to pretend you don’t remember him?”

“No,” he shook his head and hissed when he felt the pang in his head. “And even if I wanted to, I’m not a good actor. They’d see right through me.”

“True,” she chuckled. “Listen Sonny, you asked me if I remember Rafael and let me tell you, I remember him all too well. He was obsessed with you. We all joked about how you had a crush on him or something, but the way that boy looked at you… it was like you hung the moon yourself.”

“We -,” he shifted into a lying position on the couch, leaving his cup on the floor. “We kinda had a thing.”

“What?!,” Teresa yelled and Sonny pulled the phone away from his ear, closing his eyes through the sting of pain.

“Don’t fucking yell, Teresa, I have the worst headache,” Sonny said through gritted teeth.

“Language,” she reprimanded. “What do you mean you had a _thing_?”

“He told me he liked boys, and, as you put it, I had a crush on him, so naturally…,” he let it hang in the air, hoping Teresa would let it go. Of course, she didn’t.

“Naturally what, Dominick?,” she hissed. “What did you do?”

“Jesus, it’s not like that,” Sonny sighed. “Remember that summer he got a motorcycle?”

“Yeah.”

“He’d drive us to this building with a nice rooftop further down south and we made out a few times there,” he couldn’t help but smile at the memory.

“A few times,” she echoed. “Were you his boyfriend?”

“Of course not, Teresa. We only saw each other in the summer.”

“Well,” Teresa sighed. “That just puts this whole situation in a whole new light, doesn’t it?”

“I guess,” Sonny ran his hand through his hair, massaging his scalp. “I don’t know what I’m going to say to him.”

“How about ‘hey Rafael, it’s me Sonny, the boy who wanted to get in your pants when you were 17’?”

“Shut up,” he grunted. “He’s a successful, respected ADA, I’m not going to show up at his office with a tale of a summer fling.”

“Okay, then just be an adult and tell him who you are,” she suggested.

“What if he doesn’t remember me?,” he muttered.

Teresa laughed. “Sonny, there’s absolutely no way he won’t remember you. No one forgets stuff like this.”

“Teresa, he’s moved on to bigger and better things -”

“And so did you, Sonny,” she interrupted. “Trust me. He does remember you. And I even bet he’s been pining over you all these years. You were both super weird about each other.”

“Wow, thank you.”

“I’m serious. Ma and I talked about it, she said she was sure the two of you would either break each other’s heart or end up married.”

“Ma said _what_?,” he jumped up. The edges of his vision blurred for a second at the sudden movement, but he didn’t care.

“Like I said, you two were crazy for each other. It was pretty clear,” she chuckled. “Or do you think no one noticed how obsessed you became with everything he did? Including, you know, studying law?”

Sonny sighed deeply. “Teresa, you’re really not helping.”

“I’m sorry,” she said sincerely. “But I really think you should just be upfront about it.”

“Easier said than done.”

“You still love him, don’t you?,” Teresa asked, but he knew she wasn’t waiting for an answer. “You wouldn’t be this worked up over his reaction if you didn’t. So try to see it from a positive point of view, little brother.”

“And what would that be?”

“He’s back,” she said excitedly. “After 12 years, you two somehow found each other again. How crazy is that?”

“Very,” Sonny nodded.

Out of all the precincts, out of all the ADAS, they happened to be working together. So Teresa was right. He needed to put the whole thing into perspective. Because Sonny didn’t believe in coincidences, but he believed in fate.

So for the rest of his sunday, Sonny went down memory lane. He took out the box of albums he kept in the back of his closet and found the ones from his summer holidays.

He sat down on the floor next to the foot of his bed, the box close to him, and went through the pictures with a silly smile on his face. Teresa and Gina took most of them, luckily their annoying big sisters act payed off and he had tons of shots with Rafael.

There were pictures of the two of them in Sonny’s room building a robot out of legos. There were others of them at the beach, the water at waist-level as they splashed each other, the clear signs of laughter on their faces. He snickered at the pictures of him, Rafael and Bella in his grandma’s kitchen, attempting to bake cupcakes. Bella was smiling, Sonny was blushing and Rafael looked amused. They were probably making fun of him.

He even found pictures of Rafael on his bike, looking like a stud straight out of the movie Grease. Sonny sighed. He wondered if Rafael had changed a lot. As an Assistant District Attorney, he probably didn’t drive around in leather jackets. He probably wore the fancy suits he dreamed of wearing.

Sonny took a moment to look at himself in the pictures, trying to evaluate if _he_ had changed a lot. He wasn’t as scrawny anymore, the academy had toned his muscles nicely. His hair wasn’t as blonde, even though it was greying around his temples - and he liked that, it made him look more experienced. His cheeks weren’t as chubby anymore, and he was much taller. Probably taller than Rafael at this point.

Sonny smiled. Rafael would hate the fact that Sonny got taller than him.

He hadn’t changed that much. Not to point of Rafael not recognizing him.

On the last page of the album, he found a few more pictures and his breath caught in his throat for a moment. His chest ached. It was a sequence of three photos of them standing side by side on the pier. Rafael had one arm around his waist and Sonny was leaning his whole upper body against Rafael.

In the first picture, they were looking at the ocean. In the second, Rafael had turned his head to look at him, a soft look on his face. In the third picture, Sonny had turned to return the look, and they both had big, bright smiles. They looked incredibly happy and Sonny almost cried at how much he missed that.

At how much he missed Rafael.

Teresa was right. It was clear, looking at these pictures, how much they meant to each other. Looking at Rafael’s face in the second photo, it’d be stupid to deny that the other boy had feelings for him.

And it didn’t matter how long it had been, Sonny suddenly felt an immediate need to talk to him again. He needed to know what Rafael looked like now, he wanted to know if they could still have the companionship they once had.

He needed to know, even if only to himself, if he’d still feel his heart flutter away from his chest when Rafael looked at him.

Suddenly, monday couldn’t come fast enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although this chapter is fully Sonny-centric, I just have to say: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RAÚL ESPARZA! 
> 
> The boys meet again next episode. Let me know if you're excited with kudos and comments! <3


	3. Summer Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After 12 years, Sonny and Rafael finally meet again! And boy, do they have a lot of catching up to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, of course they have a lot to talk about, so don't be surprised at the amount of dialogue in this!
> 
> Enjoy!

On monday, Sonny was in an incredibly good mood. He almost felt like a teenager, with butterflies in his stomach and a soft smile on his face at all times. Amaro was extra rude to him about it when he got to the precinct, but he didn’t care. 

He went about his morning as he normally would. He set at his desk to start on his paperwork, excited at the prospect of meeting Rafael. The idea that he could walk in at any moment kept Sonny on the edge of his seat for a while, but when lunch came and went with no sign of their ADA, he thought that maybe he wasn’t coming down today. 

The opportunity to see Rafael was presented by Olivia Benson late in the afternoon.

She walked out of her office while typing on her phone, three vanilla files under her arm. Olivia looked around the bullpen quickly and approached Fin’s desk when she spotted him.

“Fin, can you hold the fort for a while?,” she asked. “I gotta head down to the DA’s office to give Barba these files.”

Sonny jumped up, startling Rollins. “I can do that, sergeant. I was going out for a bite anyway.” 

Olivia gave him a calculating look. “Are you sure? You haven’t even met Barba yet.”

“Yeah, it’s no problem,” he shrugged as he took the files from Olivia. 

“You say that because you haven’t met him,” Nick scoffed. 

“Nick,” Olivia gave him a disapproving look. “Thanks, Carisi. But you really need to hand these to him, okay? Don’t leave them at his assistant’s desk or he’ll go ballistic.”

“Got it, sarge,” he nodded and grabbed his jacket while Rollins narrowed her eyes at him, again. It sure felt like he wasn’t making any progress with her at all.

And it wasn’t the first time he heard snide remarks about Rafael, especially from Nick. He seemed to think Rafael demanded  _ unnecessary _ evidence, that he said he couldn’t prosecute yet when he clearly could. Sonny chose to bite his tongue because when was evidence ever unnecessary? And since when did Amaro decide when to prosecute a case? That wasn’t his job. 

Sonny smiled despite himself. He knew he was biased given his history with Rafael and how he didn’t particularly like Amaro, but he couldn’t help but feel like standing up for him. Even though Rafael never needed him to. Not even when they were out having McDonald’s and an asshole from Staten Island tried to joke about him being Cuban.

Down at 1 Hogan Place, he followed Olivia’s instructions and found Rafael’s office easily. The assistant his sergeant mentioned was right outside, typing away on her computer. She looked up when he approached her desk.

“Hi,” she smiled politely. “How can I help you?”

“Hey. I’m Detective Dominick Carisi Jr., from Manhattan SVU,” he flashed his badge for good measure. “But please call me Sonny. Sergeant Benson asked me to deliver some files to-,” he paused, unsure. She blinked. “ADA Barba.”

“Of course,” she nodded and stood up. “He’s expecting you.”

Sonny swallowed hard as the woman made her way around the desk towards the door and opened it. He felt like his heart was about to come out through his mouth. “Please,” she gestured for him to walk in. “Mr. Barba, there’s a detective here to see you.” 

“Thanks, Carmen,” Rafael replied, but he didn’t look up. Carmen nodded and left, closing the door behind her. 

For the first time in 12 years, Sonny saw himself right in front of Rafael Barba. He was immediately shaken by the picture of a perfectly well-functioning and successful adult he made. Rafael looked like he got his whole life together, standing there with a cup of coffee in one hand and a case file in the other, dressed in a amazingly tailored three piece suit. His hair was shorter, styled perfectly in a coif, away from his face. He looked incredibly distinguished. 

His soft boy features had hardened overtime, his jaw looked stronger, his nose pointier. Well balanced lines that built the face Sonny had never forgotten. Somehow, Rafael was even more attractive now than he was the last time Sonny saw him, speeding away on his motorcycle in his leather jacket.

Looking at Rafael in his office, burgundy tie around his neck, Harvard degree on the wall, and a plaque on the desk that read “ADA Rafael Barba”, Sonny thought he had never looked more like he  _ belonged _ . It made him feel embarrassed for a moment to think that while he was in bed crying back then, Rafael was out there making a name for himself. 

“Excuse me, counselor,” he called out, a small smile breaking into a full grin when Rafael looked at him. Sonny couldn’t help it, he was  _ so  _ happy to see him. It had been too long since he’d been under the intense stare of those beautiful green eyes. “Sergeant Benson asked me to drop these files off.”

Rafael looked frozen, staring at Sonny with his eyes a little wide. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t move, so Sonny took a few steps forward to hand him the files. 

“Sonny?,” Rafael finally said, his voice just above a surprised gasp.

“You remember me?,” his smile grew even bigger, his heart hammering in his chest as realization seemed to come crashing down on Rafael.

Sonny realized then that while he had a good few days to get used to the idea of meeting Rafael again, the other man had been completely clueless until that very moment. So he took a deep breath, and waited.

Slowly, Rafael set the file he was holding and his cup of coffee down on his desk. He looked at Sonny with a shocked expression, but eventually a smile started to form on his lips. In quick strides, he crossed the distance between the two of them and hugged Sonny thightly. 

“Of course I remember you, you idiot,” Rafael said through a wet chuckle. “I told you I’d never forget you.”

With a deep, pleased sigh, Sonny hugged him back. 

“What are you doing here?,” Rafael asked as he pulled away. 

Sonny moved his jacket and flashed his badge at Rafael with a proud smirk. “I’m a detective, Raf.”

“Oh my god,” he gasped. “You’re with SVU?”

“I am,” Sonny nodded. 

“I can’t believe you actually went into the academy,” Rafael laughed, sounding satisfied. “You wanted to be a priest.”

“Ah come on, I was 15!,” he rolled his eyes. 

“Hey, I’m happy for you,” Rafael smiled. “Hold on.”

Rafael walked out and told Carmen to push all his appointments and hold his calls. When he walked back into the office, he laughed again, closing the door. “I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

“I can’t believe you’ve got an actual secretary,” he teased.

“I can’t believe they actually gave you a gun,” he joked back, pointing at Sonny’s holster.

“I  _ can  _ believe I’m actually taller than you now,” Sonny said and laughed at Rafael’s dramatic eye-roll. 

Rafael sat on what looked like a very luxurious leather couch and gestured for Sonny to sit beside him. He suddenly felt very out of place, but did it anyway. Sonny couldn’t help but feel amazed by the man in front of him. His childhood friend, the person he couldn’t get out of his head no matter how hard he tried; he was now a successful prosecutor, much like Sonny imagined he would be.

“Sonny, how have you been?,” he asked with a soft smile. 

“Good,” he nodded. “Went from squad to squad for a while, but I like Manhattan.” 

“Olivia called me before you came in today. She told me to ‘be patient with the new guy’”, Rafael tilted his head. “Are people giving you a hard time?”

Sonny couldn’t help the blush that spread up his neck. “Well, I think I’m giving  _ them  _ a hard time, actually.”

“Come on, Sonny,” he nudged his shoulder. “It’s me. I know you. What is it really about?”

He sighed. “Maybe I jumped the gun moving from Homicides to SVU. Dealing with victims…,” Sonny pulled a face. “I’m not great at that.”

“There’s a big learning curve,” Rafael nodded. “Listen, I might have joked about you wanting to become a priest, but I remember you wanted to help people. I know how sympathetic you are. I know you’re open-minded and accepting. You can do this job, Sonny. You’re perfect for it.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Sonny shrugged. “Olivia is a good boss. I learned a lot this past week. I already feel better than I did in Brooklyn last month. But man, Rollins and Amaro love to bust my balls.”

Rafael scoffed. “Rollins and Amaro are definitely not the greatest examples of model behaviour, so take everything they say with a grain of salt. Stick with Liv and you’ll get there.”

“I’m-,” he shifted slightly and his knee bumped Rafael’s, but he didn’t move, he only silently held Sonny’s gaze. “I’m taking night classes at Fordham Law.”

Rafael’s eyes widened. “What? Really?” 

Sonny nodded jerkly. He suddenly felt nervous. “The summer after you went to Harvard, your mom said you were too busy with classes to go to Staten Island.”

“Sonny,” he started, looking apologetic, but Sonny shook his head to interrupt him.

“I went into the city and bought law books for beginners because I wanted to be able to talk to you about your classes when you came back,” he smiled shyly at the memory. “And I fell in love with it. I watched trials on TV all the time, I watched Law & Order, I read everything I could get my hands on. So I thought, as a cop, I could only benefit from taking the bar exam.”

“That’s remarkable,” Rafael smiled and he actually did look impressed. Sonny beamed. “How is it going so far?” 

Before Sonny could reply, his phone started ringing, his sergeant’s name flashing on the screen. He looked at Rafael with an apology at the tip of his tongue, but the other man waved him off. 

“Carisi,” he picked up. “Yeah, I’m still at 1 Hogan Place. Yes, I did. Of course, sergeant. Be right there.”

“Duty calls?,” Rafael teased. 

“Yeah, I have to go,” but he didn’t want to, and he was sure his expression showed that. After so long, it felt wrong to turn his back on Rafael now that he was here. 

“Hey,” he said softly and leaned in close again, a hand on Sonny’s knee. “I know it’s been a very long time, but I really want to catch up with you. Are you free for drinks tomorrow night?” 

“Sure,” he nodded excitedly. “Where?”

“Let me,” Rafael took Sonny’s phone and added in his number. “Text me and I’ll send you the address for a little Italian place I like.”

“Italian, uh?,” Sonny smirked as Rafael handed his phone back. 

“Yeah, you spoiled me for too many summers. I can’t get enough,” Rafael winked at him and Sonny felt like his insides were about to melt. “Now go before Olivia calls me and accuses me of kidnapping her best detective.” 

Sonny laughed and stood up, buttoning up his jacket. “I think it’s too early for me to be her favorite.”

“I think you’re underestimating yourself,” Rafael said with a smirk as he opened the door for Sonny. “Sonny, I’m really happy to see you again.”

“Don’t say that yet, Raf,” he joked. “I have a feeling we’ll be seeing too much of each other.”

“I can only hope,” he nodded. 

When Sonny left 1 Hogan Place that afternoon, he had a new spring to his step. He was relieved that even though it had been 12 years, nothing seemed to have changed between him and Rafael. It was like they were back in Staten Island, hyping each other up, sharing tentative touches and secretive words.

Sonny felt so good he didn’t even hear Amaro’s jabs about him taking too long to drop the files off. He didn’t even notice Rollins’ sneer. The only thing he knew was that he and Rafael were meeting for drinks the following night and he could not wait to ask him all about what it was like being an ADA. 

But more than that, he still felt a tingling sensation where Rafael had touched him. He could still feel Rafael’s warmth against him from when they hugged. And he longed to touch him again. To hold him. To kiss him like he did all those years ago when he was still a clueless teenager, unaware of just how much the boy in his arms meant to him. 

They sure did have a lot of catching up to do.

* * *

When Sonny got to Forlini’s, later than he intended, Rafael was already waiting at the bar. He was nursing a glass of scotch while writing furiously on a note pad. He smiled fondly, watching the way the tip of his tongue snuck out and his brow furrowed in concentration.

With tentative steps, Sonny approached him. He felt like his heart was going to implode with the way Rafael’s face lit up and he smiled when he caught Sonny’s eye.

“Hi,” he said, sounding out of breath.

“Hey. Have you eaten?,” Rafael asked and pointed at the space behind him. “Do you want to get a table?” 

“How authentic is the food here?,” he teased.

“Well, it’s not your grandma’s cooking, but it’s good enough,” Rafael said with a fond smile. “I miss her pastries, by the way.”

“Not to brag, but mine are just as good.”

“I highly doubt that,” he snorted at Sonny’s offended expression. 

“Is that a challenge?,” he narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you remember what happens when you challenge me, Raf?”

“I do,” Rafael smirked knowingly. “So, dinner?”

Sonny nodded and they moved from the bar to a booth further in the back.

“What do you recommend?,” Sonny asked, picking up the menu. 

“Their homemade special pasta dish is very good and I know you like fettuccine alfredo, but I’ve never tried it,” he looked up at Sonny. “Even the smell reminds me of you.”

“Is that a bad thing?,” he cocked his head.

“It was. When I had no idea if I’d ever see you again,” Rafael replied honestly. “But I guess I can try it now.”

Sonny looked at Rafael’s relaxed demeanour and smiled. He couldn’t remember why he had freaked out before. Sitting there with Rafael came to him as the most natural thing ever. It was like no time had passed at all. Except it had, and he had some questions. 

“Was Harvard hard?,” Sonny asked as innocently as he could. He was probably being petty, and he didn’t resent Rafael anymore, but it was still something he wanted to know. 

“Very,” Rafael snorted. “Especially if you’re trying to keep a scholarship.”

“Your mom told me you were trying to get an internship after your first year. How did that work out?”

“One of my professors had a programm at his law firm,” he said as he flagged a waiter. “The student with the highest score got to work with him.” 

“And you got it,” Sonny said, certain. Rafael’s only reply was a knowing smirk as he ordered them both fettuccine. “How’re your parents?,” he asked when the waiter left.

“My father passed away five years ago,” he said with a sigh. “My mom is doing fine. Still working hard.”

“Raf, I’m so sorry,” Sonny said sympathetically, reaching across the table for his hand. “I know how much you respected him.”

“Yeah,” he squeezed Sonny’s hand. “He tried his best to be there for me, even though he didn’t understand why I liked men. He was the one who told me you went to our house that first summer after I left for Harvard. My mom didn’t want me to lose focus, as she put it.”

“He told you?,” he asked, surprised. 

“He said he had never seen someone look so heartbroken,” Rafael said with a pained expression. Sonny let go of his hand then, dropping it on his lap. “Sonny, I’m so sorry. I really am.”

“Why didn’t you come back?,” Sonny asked as neutrally as he could, leaning back against his seat.

“I just told you. I got the internship, I was working all summer,” Rafael leaned forward, trying to cross some of the distance Sonny had put between them. “I swear, I was just as heartbroken as you, but it was something I had to do.” 

“Your parents stopped going as well,” he said, feeling defeated. 

“My dad lost his job, they couldn’t keep the house,” he shook his head. “I tried to help. That place was special, and I was making a little bit of money. But I had to buy a lot of books and my boss advised me to invest in short courses, so it wasn’t enough.” 

The waiter came with their food then, serving them with a cheerful disposition. Sonny thanked him and took a long sip of his beer.

“You know that’ll go better with wine, right?,” Rafael joked, taking a slow sip of his scotch. Sonny chuckled, but didn’t say anything. “Sonny, look, I know you feel like I ditched you -”

“Rafael,” he interrupted, setting the bottle down and looking at him. “I understand. You were working hard towards your goals, as you should. I’m not mad at you. Back then, I thought you were avoiding me. But I get it.”

“Avoiding you?,” Rafael frowned. 

Sonny waved a dismissive hand at him. “It was teenage angst. I thought you didn’t like me as much as I liked you. I thought-,” he sighed. “That last summer was special to me. I was expecting to see you again so we could, I don’t know, continue from where we left off. When you didn’t come back, I thought it was because you didn’t want that.”

“But I did,” he said, a manic laugh escaping him. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since that summer, Sonny. I had countless dreams about you waiting for me at your front porch steps. And I hoped to God you wouldn’t hate me for taking so long.”

“I never hated you,” Sonny leaned forward, reaching for Rafael’s hand again. “I was mad at first, yeah. But when I started getting into law I realized what you were doing was bigger than that. I was proud of you. I  _ am  _ proud of you.”

Sonny looked at the successful man in front of him. Rafael had accomplished so much, Sonny was in awe. He remembered those hot days on the rooftop, listening to Rafael’s goals and dreams. It all came true, and Sonny felt like throwing a party just to celebrate Rafael’s astounding level of brilliance.

“Well, we’re here now,” Rafael smiled, squeezed Sonny’s hand again and let go of it to pick up his cutlery. “Tell about the Carisis. I’m sure you’ve got plenty of stories involving your sisters.”

Sonny laughed and, for the rest of the night, they shared stories of the last 12 years.

He felt all his worries disappear. At every touch, at every one of Rafael’s deep laughs, Sonny felt his chest opening up. When they fell in what Sonny called “law talk”, he was excited. Sharing his views with someone like Rafael was exhilarating. He was so confident, so sure of his words, it made Sonny want to dive into his brain. 

“You know,” Rafael said once his plates were cleared and they each had a slice of tiramisu in front of them. “Liv and I are good friends. I could talk to her about you helping me with this case. What do you think?”

“Really?,” Sonny straightened up, suddenly nervous. “I mean, I only just started on my third year at Fordham.”

“It’s the perfect time, then,” he nodded. “And let me give you an advice: when an ADA offers to let you tag along in a case, you jump on that opportunity. No questions asked.”

Sonny laughed. “Alright.”

* * *

 

Watching Rafael work was mesmerizing. He put on a whole performance, with extra flair, after all he always did have a real taste for theatrics. Sonny was fascinated by the way Rafael’s brain worked, how he maneuvered other people’s words at his will, how he anticipated their reaction and bent them. He loved watching Rafael’s stunning green eyes move fast as arguments built in his mind, a twitch of his lip when he was satisfied with himself. 

His hand was fast as he took notes, going over and over the words until he had a full page of what Sonny was sure would be a fantastic opening argument. He knew exactly what books to pull out of his shelf to check for a reference. He chewed on his bottom lip in concentration, eyes squinting the longer he thought about something.

And much like when they were teenagers, Rafael always had snacks. He was always munching on something when they were going through motions to suppress, looking for precedents to throw them out. During trial prep, he once had a whole sandwich in hand while he went through Sonny’s statement.

And at the end of the week, when they rolled their sleeves up, loosened their ties and called it a day, he had a bag of chips in one hand and a glass of scotch in the other. It was incredibly comforting to watch him fall back into his expensive couch, relaxing his shoulders. 

“So, we’ve been working closely this week,” Rafael said. “What’s your take on the job of an ADA?”

Sonny considered it for a moment, leaning against the wall opposite from Rafael. “So far, I’d say it takes a lot of brain power. I definitely need to read more.”

Rafael chuckled. “You never actually  _ stop  _ reading, but I’d say you held your on.”

“You don’t need to go soft on me because we’re friends, Raf.”

“I’m not,” he shook his head. “You have a lot of potential. And your insights come from a different point of view. You have more to add to the table because you’re a cop.”

“Maybe,” Sonny shrugged. “But I think I may have more to offer as a cop with a law degree than as a lawyer with experience as a cop.”

“Well, you have more to offer to  _ me _ , that’s for sure,” Rafael gave him a wolfish grin. “You’ll bring cases tied with a pretty bow and I’ll prosecute them in my sleep.”

“Cocky shit,” Sonny rolled his eyes and Rafael laughed. “But you don’t even need my help for that, do you? You’re remarkable, Rafael. When you told me all those years ago you wanted to be a lawyer, I knew you’d be good.”

“Good?,” he raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, I knew you’d be  _ great _ ,” Sonny corrected himself. “But you’re more than great. Watching you work has been a privilege. You’re truly astounding.”

Rafael blinked, his glass frozen mid-air on its way to his mouth. His eyes were shining in a way Sonny recognized all too well. Because they shined like that every time Rafael asked if he could kiss him.

“Well,” Rafael took a sip of his drink. “Thank you.”

“Thank  _ you  _ for letting me hang around this week. It was a really great experience,” he said genuinely. 

“You’re welcome anytime, Sonny,” Rafael smiled softly. “Whenever the squad room is not about to boil over. Feel free to come over. Fresh eyes are always welcomed.”

“Always?,” he smirked. 

“From you, anyway,” he shrugged.

“I suddenly feel like we’re back on that rooftop you’d drive us to,” Sonny said coyly.

“Oh God, that motorcycle,” Rafael threw his head back. “Almost gave my mom a heart attack with that thing.”

“And mine,” Sonny laughed.

“Did you like riding on it or were you just trying to humor me?,” he asked with a tilt of his head. 

“Oh, no. I liked it,” and he really did.

He took another big gulp of his scotch and stood up, going back to his liquor cabinet. “I didn’t,” he said.

Sonny’s eyes widened. “What?,” he shook his head. “But you said you fixed it so you could ride it.”

“And that’s true,” Rafael nodded, looking at Sonny over his shoulder. “But it was only so I could impress you.”

He was stunned. “You got that bike to impress me?”

“Yep,” Rafael popped the ‘p’ dramatically. 

“Rafael,” he pushed off the wall to stand beside the other man. “You had to know you didn’t need to do all that. I had the biggest crush on you,” Rafael turned to look at him with a small frown. “I mean, I didn’t know that then. But I think it was pretty obvious. Teresa told me it was.”

Rafael let out a long sigh. “I didn’t know.”

“Not even when we -,” he waved a hand between them, unsure. Sonny still wasn’t sure where they stood. He knew there was a lot of sexual tension there, he knew they’d been flirting constantly the past few days. But they worked together, this wasn’t a summer holiday. 

“Not even when we were making out like horny teenagers,” he finished. “Because that’s what we were. Hormones, too much sun, the fact that we wouldn’t see each other for another year. It all bottled up.”

“No, Raf,” Sonny said slowly. “I just really liked you.”

Rafael looked at him with a soft smile. His eyes were shining again, but stronger this time. “I’m not a teenager anymore, Sonny. I can control myself. But we gotta tread lightly here. We’re coworkers.”

“I get that,” he nodded. “But I’ve only been in Manhattan for two weeks. I can transfer.”

“No way,” Rafael shook his head. “Working under Liv will be good for you. And I -,” he lowered his voice and spoke quickly. “I can put in a good word for you here. The DA trusts me, it’ll be good for you.”

“Rafael, I’m not here to use you as a stepping stone,” he frowned. “I’ve been thinking about you for 12 years. I only got into law  _ because  _ of you -”

“But you love it,” he said urgently. “And you’re good at it. As lawyers, we need to network. It’s all politics, Sonny. It’s big smiles, fake pleasantries and knowing the right people in the right places.”

“Is that how you got this job?”

“What? No. I actually worked for it, unlike many of the white men in this building,” Rafael sneered. 

“Then I’ll work for it, too,” he shrugged. “I don’t even know if I want to be an ADA, Rafael. But what I do know is that I’m not letting you go. Not again.”

“Don’t say stuff like that,” Rafael looked up at the ceiling, asking any deity for some strength. 

“Rafael, I don’t want to miss out on anything anymore,” he took a step closer to the other man.

“Neither do I, Sonny,” he turned back to him, and Sonny softened at his openiness. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” Sonny felt like not kissing Rafael right then physically hurt. “You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you.”

“Oh, I do,” he said, and his eyes flickered from Sonny’s eyes to his lips. “Let me talk to the DA first.”

“Wow,” he snorted and took a step back. “Gonna ask for his permission, Raf?”

“I just don’t want to ruin anything, Sonny,” he sighed. “I can’t mess this up for us or our careers.” 

“I understand,” Sonny nodded as he made his way to grab his jacket.

“You’re leaving?,” Rafael frowned. 

“I think it’s for the best,” he smiled softly. “I’m not upset. But you’re right. There’s too much at stake and I don’t want us to resent each other.” 

“Thank you,” he said, relieved. 

“Don’t stay here until too late, okay?,” Sonny said with a knowing look. “I’ll text you when I get home.”

“Okay,” Rafael smiled. “I promise I’ll talk to Jack first thing on monday.” 

“I can’t wait to hear how that conversation went,” he rolled his eyes teasingly. “Night, Raf.”

“Bye, Sonny.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the support on chapter 2. It made me want to post this one sooner. Chapter 4 is ready to go, and I'm gonna upload it as soon as we hit 100 kudos, so go ahead and hit that button if you want it soon! Comments also literally make my day. :D


	4. Summer Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting the DA's blessing, Rafael reminisces about the time he spent without Sonny and together they decide to stop waiting for their future to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't watched enough of the Law & Order mothership to know how to properly write McCoy, but somehow his talk with Rafael is one of my favorite scenes from the whole story. 
> 
> And this is it! We've reached the end of a very fun journey. Thank you for all your support! Check my profile for other stories. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Like he promised, Rafal knocked on Jack McCoy’s door as soon as he caught a break from his meetings. It wasn’t first thing in the morning, but it was first thing in the afternoon and, luckily for him, the DA’s voice rang through the door soon enough. Rafael walked inside with his best game face on, but he also wasn’t above begging if necessary. Not about this.

“Barba,” Jack greeted, surprised. “Do we have a briefing today?”

“No, it’s a personal matter.” 

“Off the record?,” he asked, pointing at his bottle of scotch. 

“Not really.”

“Right,” Jack raised an eyebrow at him and gestured towards the chair across from him. “What is this about?”

“Detective Dominick Carisi, Jr. Manhattan SVU,” Rafael said as he sat down. “Although he’d prefer it if you called him Sonny. Transferred from Queens two weeks ago. He’s taking law classes at Fordham.”

Jack scoffed. “And you’re already selling him? He must be good.”

“He is,” Rafael smiled softly. “And you can’t tell me a prosecutor with detective experience wouldn’t be quite the asset to this office. But that’s not why I’m here.”

“Then get to the point, Barba,” he said with no heat, leaning back on his chair. 

“Sonny and I have known each other for a very long time,” he started, picking at an invisible speck of dust on his jacket. “My family had a beach house in the south of Staten Island and we were neighbours.” 

“Staten Island?,” Jack snorted. “I can’t imagine that.”

“Don’t try,” he rolled his eyes playfully. “Anyway. We were very close, but I went to Harvard and we lost contact. Imagine my surprise when he showed up in my office with a badge and a gun.”

“Rafael,” Jack raised one hand and leaned forward again, resting his elbows on the desktop. “Are you here to disclose a relationship with this detective?”

“Yes,” he nodded. 

Jack looked at him long and hard, his jaw set in place. He shook his head and stood up, muttering something about needing a drink. 

“Do you want me to transfer you back to Brooklyn?,” Jack asked with a frown, going around his desk to sit on the edge right in front of Rafael. 

“Would that be necessary?,” he asked with a pained expression.

“This is less than ideal, Barba,” Jack sighed. “You know I’m going to have to talk to 1PP and go over his records. And 1PP is going to go over  _ your  _ records. And IAB-”

“I know,” Rafael nodded again. “And you know what they’ll find there.”

“Yeah,” he snorted. “Rafael, this should be kept under wraps, but you know -“

“This place leaks like a sieve.”

“To say the least,” Jack ran a hand over his face and crossed his arms. “You know the trouble we’ve been through with cops. And you know if he ever does anything slightly questionable in line of an investigation, the defense is going to have a field day and call conflict of interest to throw it out. I trust you to know when to step back, but if he ever gets one toe out of line-“

“I trust him, Jack,” he interrupted. “And I’ve been thinking about this for days. I know the possible complications. And I will take you up on that transfer offer if it ever gets in the way of doing our jobs. But give me a chance. I want to make this work.”

“I never took you as the type to compromise your work for a relationship,” Jack said with a heavy tone. “So I trust that you won’t.” 

“I won’t,” Rafael with all the certainty he could muster. 

Jack nodded, looking satisfied. “As I said, this is between us.”

“And 1PP and IAB,” he teased. 

“And his commanding officer,” Jack added, not so teasingly. 

“Olivia won’t give us any trouble.”

“I really hope this works out, Rafael,” he said genuinely. “For his sake as well.”

“I’m sure it will,” he stood up. “He would love to meet you, by the way. Although I should warn you, he’ll talk your ears off.”

“Next time he helps you with a case, bring him for our briefing,” he suggested with a knowing look. Rafael raised both his eyebrows, surprised. “You said it yourself. This place leaks like a sieve. You think I wouldn’t hear about a NYPD detective riding your tail?”

“I guess I thought I was being discreet,” Rafael snorted. 

“You were,” Jack smirked. “But your detective can be a little loud.”

Rafael laughed despite himself. “Don’t I know it.”

“Good luck, Rafael.”

“Thanks, Jack,” he nodded. “Let me know how it goes with the powers that be.”

Jack nodded and dismissed him with a wave of his hand. 

As soon as he closed the door of Jack’s office behind him, Rafael texted Sonny to come by his office once he was done for the day. Maybe he should ask him out to dinner, make things more official, but he was nervous enough as it was, the pressure of a supposed date would only add up to it. 

Rafael prided himself in being a very controlled person. He had mastered the art of keeping a neutral face a long time ago. But when it came to Sunny, all that lost meaning. Sonny knew him inside and out. He knew him before Rafael even knew himself, so he couldn’t keep up the “face of steel ADA” façade with him. 

Opening up to Sonny always came naturally to him, ever since their first summer together. He was 13 when they met, and he gravitated towards the boy like a moth to a lamp. 

Rafael always felt like they balanced each other out as far as their personalities went, but he always wanted to be better to Sonny. When the boy was angry at his sisters, he was the person Sonny would vent to, when he got good news, Rafael would be the first to know. When they talked about their futures, Rafael made sure to listen to Sonny’s insecurities, even if he knew they were unfounded. He tried to comfort his friend, he tried to be his safe place. 

He learned about compassion and sympathy from Sonny. He had a view of the world that made Rafael less hard headed, more idealistic. Sonny was sensitive, he could read people well, and Rafael watched him closely as he did so. It was thrilling. 

Rafael was almost 16 when he realized that Sonny meant to him more than anyone ever could. He noticed the way his heart sped up when Sonny smiled at him, he felt the pang of jealousy when pretty girls from down the street came up to them on the beach, trying to charm Sonny away. He realized that the butterflies in his stomach weren’t from being with a friend. The anticipation for every summer almost killed him every time. Rafael wasn’t dumb. He knew what that meant. And for a while, he was so terrified he couldn’t sleep at night. 

Rafael’s life changed the day they kissed. Because nothing had ever felt so right. The boys he kissed before were good practice, but the way his heart almost lept out of his chest was reserved only for Sonny. 

But with the realization of what he felt, came the dread of leaving Sonny behind to move to Cambridge. It broke his heart, it crushed his spirit, and it was easy to force himself to focus on the work instead of thinking about what ifs. 

He had a conversation about it with his mom. She was candid, told him they didn’t have money to get him from Massachusetts to Staten Island every summer. Hell, they barely had money to keep the house. So he decided to let go. Rafael told his mom to sell the house, the money would be enough to give them some stability while both him and his father tried to get a job.

On the summer after his move, his parents went to the beach house one last time to get their things out before selling. With a strained voice, Rafael asked his mother to not tell Sonny anything about it. He felt like he was betraying him enough as it was. 

From that point on, he fell into his studies with all he had. 

Rafael didn’t even date much. He had a few guys come up to him during his time at Harvard, but none of them lasted more than five months. He knows he shouldn’t, but he compared every one of them to Sonny. It was impossible to move on from him, so Rafael stopped trying. 

He would let his mind wonder sometimes. Was Sonny happy? Did he get into college? Had he convinced Father Peter he could be a good priest? Did he go back to the beach house? Did he make new friends? Was he single?

Rafael doubted he was. Sonny was the most charming person he had ever met. He didn’t even know it, but the combination of his blue eyes, dimpled smile and pouty lips was a killer. It floored Rafael more times that he’d like to admit. And even though he knew it always would, he wasn’t ready for the adult version of his best friend that showed up at his office the week before.

Sonny was all legs, broad shoulders, narrow waist and coiffed hair now. He was no longer a mess of skinny limbs, and Rafael’s mouth went dry at the view. 

He stood tall, almost shy, in a dark grey suit that made his eyes look even lighter. His badge shining on his hip, his gun on his holster, and Rafael couldn’t believe how  _ right _ he looked. He’d recognize Sonny’s eyes anywhere, but he didn’t expect the sharp line of his jaw or the grey in the once dark blond hair. He wasn’t ready for how much deeper Sonny’s voice was, but his accent was as endearing as Rafael remembered it.

Rafael also wasn’t ready for how right Sonny felt in his arms, the smell of his aftershave so strong. 

He wasn’t ready for his heart to fall out of his chest, straight into Sonny’s hands. Even after 12 years, Sonny still had him. 

* * *

Turns out he wouldn’t need to wait until later to see Sonny because less than three hours after talking to Jack, Olivia called him in. Apparently there was a suspect interested in cutting a deal.

Working with Sonny was amazing. His inputs were always on point, even when they were too eager. And unsolicited. Rafael got a kick from teasing him about it. But still, the week they worked closely together was refreshing and surprisingly insightful. Sonny’s excitement reminded him of his first years after Harvard, when he wasn’t trapped by the systematic politics that lurked around the DA’s office.

Olivia started briefing him as soon as he walked into the precinct, handing him a case file. He gave a discreet look around, but Sonny was nowhere to be seen.

“Carisi is in the interrogation room with him right now,” she said as if reading his mind, but didn’t show any sign of knowing Rafael was looking for Sonny. He should probably talk to her after this. “By the looks of it, he’ll take whatever you give him.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow at her. “Did he ask for a lawyer?”

“Yes, but he’s not letting her do her job,” Olivia snorted. “He’s scared his mom will find out he’s being accused of rape.”

“Fantastic,” he said dryly. “And the victim?”

“She’s not willing to testify,” she said with a heavy sigh. “But he doesn’t know that.” 

“So this might just work in our favor.”

“For once,” Olivia said and opened the door for him. 

When he walked inside, Sonny stood up. He gave Rafael a nod and a small smile. 

“Counselor,” the defense attorney greeted.

“Rape one. He does a minimum of fifteen years,” he said. “But he’ll stay on the registry.”

The guy didn’t even hesitate before nodding. Rafael held back a smile. If only his job was this easy. 

“What an idiot,” Sonny said when the suspect and his lawyer left the room with Olivia. “We barely had a case on him.”

Rafael snorted. “I would have dropped it to 10 years.”

“Should have gone for 20,” Sonny replied with a smirk. “The DA will be happy anyway. Speaking of…”

“Subtle, Sonny,” he chuckled. 

“Well, you’re here, so he didn’t fire you,” Sonny teased. 

“He doesn’t have a reason to fire me,” Rafael pulled out a chair and sat down, sighing. “Basically, he wasn’t the most happy about it, but as long as we keep a low profile, he won’t give us any trouble. However, he has to inform 1PP and IAB, and Olivia. And there will be disclosure forms to fill in.”

Sonny blinked fast, then nodded. “Right. And are you okay with that?”

“Me?,” he frowned. “I’m fine, Sonny. But you have a lot to think about. Have you told  _ anyone  _ here that you’re interested in men?”

“Well, no,” he shrugged, leaning against the edge on the table in front of Rafael. “But I’ve only been here for two weeks. It hasn’t come up. I don’t think anyone cares anyway.”

“Oh, but they will. Office gossip and whatnot,” Rafael rolled his eyes. “So this will force you out of the closet. And a lot of people will be going over your records. It could also be used against you on -”

“Rafael,” Sonny raised a hand to stop him, but he was smiling softly. “I’ve got nothing to hide. I didn’t wait 12 years to give up just because of some office gossip. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Rafael let out a shaky breath. “The last thing I want is for you to regret this, Sonny.”

That was the closest Rafael could get to the truth; he was scared out of his mind of what people could do to them. Defense attorneys would try to question their professionalism at every turn as soon as word got out. He knew Olivia wouldn’t let anyone in her squad be discriminated, but it went so far beyond her control, it worried him. 

“I’m not worried,” Sonny said. And honestly, he really didn’t look fazed at all. He actually looked relaxed. “You always made me feel invincible, since I was like 11. That hasn’t changed.”

“The complications from when you’re 11 are substantially less severe than when you’re 30, Sonny.”

“So?,” he grinned.

“You’re impossible,” Rafael said, but he was smiling. 

“Does that mean I can kiss you now?,” he wiggled his eyebrows as he stretched out a hand to Rafael.

“We’re in an interrogation room,” Rafael pointed out, but let himself be pulled up anyway.

“Everyone is gonna know anyway,” he pulled Rafael closer to him, reaching for his hips. 

“We should probably talk to Olivia first. Give her a heads up,” Rafael felt like melting into Sonny, his hands finding the back of his neck naturally. 

“Do you have to ask for everyone’s permission?,” Sonny rolled his eyes playfully. 

“Only yours, actually,” he smirked, leaning so close to Sonny he could feel his breath on his face. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, please,” he said, and Rafael heard it echoing in his mind as he closed the gap between them. 

As the kiss deepened, they both felt like coming home. That day, they learned  _ home  _ wasn’t a beach house in Staten Island. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm forever grateful for everyone who read this. I hope you liked the ending! 
> 
> I know some of you were excited to find out the squad's reaction to them, but this story was really about Rafael's and Sonny's own journey. That doesn't mean I can't add to it eventually, though! Writing this had been a pleasure. Thank you, all of you! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Please, kudos and comments feed the author's soul!


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